The Pain of Loving Sirius Black
by We're All M-M-Mad Here
Summary: Everyone that met Sirius Black couldn't help but fall in love him, even in the smallest way. It was hard not to: he was charming and beautiful, shining as bright as the star he was named after and burning with a passion just as hot. slight slash. One-shot.


The Pain of Loving Sirius Black

Everyone that met Sirius Black couldn't help but fall in love him, even in the smallest way. It was hard not to: he was charming and beautiful, shining as bright as the star he was named after and burning with a passion just as hot.

Peter began to love him just two weeks into first year. He was cornered by four fifth year Slytherins, who had taken his bag, sneering down at his red and gold tie: "Look at the snivelling thing…he hardly deserves to be called brave"

Then in a flurry of hexes and sharp words that Peter could never hope to come up with on the spot, the Slytherins were muttering and glaring, but nevertheless leaving Peter alone, swearing to get revenge while taking the unlucky ones to the hospital wing.

"You're Peter Pettigrew, right?" Sirius had grinned, stuffing his wand back into his pocket. Peter nodded shakily, looking up at this boy with unconcealed awe. "I'm Sirius Black. Come on, let's go see James and Remus, you'll like them."

Sirius had turned to walk down the corridor then, not looking back to see if Peter was following, but he was, how could he not be?

Peter had fallen in love with his fierce nature, he saw the potential it had to protect him. Sirius knew what it felt like to beaten down, had felt it at home, and had a determination to protect those 'weaker' than him to stop others from experiencing what he had ever since he had looked into his mother's eyes and said: "I saw a muggle on the street outside. I don't see how we're better."

His anger was like a storm, you could almost feel it brewing in the air. It was seen in the darkening of his silver eyes, turning them an almost black, in the red flush creeping onto his pale, pale skin, in his lips twisting up in an angry snarl and the way he looked almost like the Black he claimed not to be. It took a lot for him to shout, he was mainly a silver-tipped tongue with cold wit and dark humour. Then there was his wand work, duelling like a dance and laughing all the while. This anger terrified Peter, but he saw a use for it and that's what he loved about Sirius Black.

Remus fell in love with him during second year. He had entered the dorm, limping slightly, having just come back from 'visiting his sick mother.' He was met with Sirius and James sitting on his bed, Peter standing just beside them, his beady eyes flickering nervously from the two boys to Remus and back again. They had figured out his secret. Knew he was a werewolf. He offered to leave, tears filling his brown eyes for the first time in a long while, knowing that they would never want to be friends with a monster like him.

"Remus," Sirius had said firmly, grabbing his wrist to stop him from packing up his things. "It's okay. We just wish you had told us."

Sirius had said this with a rather sad voice and earnest eyes. James had assured him only seconds later that it was just a 'furry little problem' while Peter nodded along. However, as Sirius grinned brightly, the grin that could light up a room, and slung a lazy arm around his shoulder, he would always remember Sirius as being the first one to accept him.

Remus had fallen in love with Sirius' acceptance and understanding. People held grudges and while Sirius wasn't exactly the kindest bloke, not by a long shot, he could understand and his views and morals could shift with each new thing he learned. He could look at a Slytherin or a would-be-death-eater and understand why they did what they did, but he would hate them for it and fight them because of it and he could look at a muggle who was intelligent and resourceful and know that his parents had taught him wrong and could stand up for this new belief and that was what Remus loved about Sirius Black.

Lily had had fallen in love with him when they were eighteen. Fresh out of Hogwarts, but thrown head first into the war and into the Order of the Phoenix, Sirius had been matured by the war, but still had the unique ability to laugh and smile and joke.

It was a mission for the order, or at least it had been, it quickly turned into a small, well small in terms of the war, in Diagon Alley. She had been Duelling with two death eaters: Mulciber and Flint. She ignored their taunts and jibes, instead focusing on the spells and curses. Lily was smart, one of the best in her year back at school, and she quickly managed to stun Flint and she could feel herself getting the upper hand over Mulciber.

"NO!" it was an anguished cry, half part fury, half part panic, and it was James.

She had glanced and saw Sirius writhing on the floor, a scream yanking itself from those lips that certainly weren't grinning anymore. Bellatrix was cackling madly. Sirius had thrown himself in front of James, taken the cruciatus curse in his stead.

Lily had fallen in love with his devotion. She could understand why his animagus form was a dog. Once he had found someone he deemed worthy of his loyalty, he would fight tooth and nail to make sure they weren't hurt, that they weren't distressed, that they weren't unhappy. It wasn't often she saw that side of him, but when she saw the raw look in his eyes, still managing to lift up his arm and cast a shield charm to protect James and not himself, how could she not fall in love with that part of him?

Minerva had fallen in love with him in his fifth year. She saw him more often than she should. Saw him in her office, in her classes, in the hallway. He had a penchant for trouble and was so often standing in front of her with a smirk on his face that only grew whether he found a way to talk himself out of trouble, or when he would laughingly say "it was worth it" as she gave him a detention and docked house points.

It was at the careers meeting when it had happened. She had only ever seen him with a grin on his face and mischief on his mind, so when he met her gaze with a look of serious determination and said "I want to be an Auror" she had been surprised. It had taken her a few moments to get her bearings and ask him why.

"Because I want to be out there, helping to stop Voldemort" – she was rather angry at herself for flinching – "and his death eaters. I've seen what they're capable off, hell I grew up with most of them. If I can make the world a better place by fighting in any way I can, then I will," Sirius had said, no hesitation and no doubt at all in his voice.

Minerva had fallen in love with his intelligence and his strength. He had always been a bright lad, one of the top of the year, she could see it in her lessons and she could see it when he and his fellow marauders pulled a prank that should have been well above their skill level. Sirius wasn't just book smart, he was street smart, he knew what to expect on the outside of the school walls and he never deluded himself. He knew of the terror and of the destruction and yet he was willing to throw himself into that, if not to protect and secure future safety, then for peace of mind at that he tried his best and that was what she loved about Sirius Black.

Bellatrix had fallen in love with him in that final duel. She and Sirius had always been eerily alike, she had never deluded herself into thinking otherwise. It wasn't just their looks either, the dark beauty that all Blacks possessed from generations of marrying into the same families, it was their utter loyalty and their sharp wit and their explosive temper and their proficiency at spells and duels. They had been similar since they were little, but they both knew it was the choices you made that will truly defy you and they chose different paths.

Sirius had chosen to detach himself from his family and blood and instead claw himself out into the light, shining as brightly as possible and doing everything for 'good.' Bellatrix however immersed herself in darkness until she became mad with it, her one true love would always be her dark lord. She could understand Sirius' want to rebel and stand out as she herself became the only female death eater and she revelled in the seductive power she possessed because of it.

"Come on, you can do better than that!" he had shouted, and she must have done, as a moment later he had died, his last laugh etched on his face.

Bellatrix admired that he had duelled like it was a dance, the two of them exchanging words and curses as though it was merely a game and not a battle of life and death, it was a skill that out of all the death eaters she was pretty sure only she possessed. He had died fighting for what he believed in, had died with dignity and loyalty and had died laughing in a way that made her think tha despite her killing him, he had still won, and Bellatrix loathed that she loved that about him.

Andromeda had fallen in love with him when he had discovered she was dating Ted Tonks.

She had begged him not to tell the family and he had agreed instantly, well, he agreed amidst a heavy dose of teasing. He had always been her favourite cousin, someone she could discuss muggles and blood-traitors with without earning a scandalised look of rage in response. Andromeda had told him that Ted had proposed and wanting to get married as soon as they left Hogwarts, she had confided with him that she wasn't going to accept, as she couldn't handle what he family would do, she would be disowned without a doubt.

"Andromeda, you have to say yes. He makes you happy doesn't he?" Sirius had said and she nodded cautiously, winging her hands in her Slytherin robes. "Well, then it doesn't matter what our family thinks. So you get disowned. So what? What have you really got at home, family who only care about the pureblood that runs through your veins?"

Andromeda had fallen in love with his rare acts of kindness. Sirius was reckless and volatile, but he knew how to get what he wanted. If he was perhaps more ambitious he would have been unstoppable and a perfect Slytherin. Sirius could say that being disowned wouldn't matter in such a flippant and obvious voice that Andromeda began to agree with him. These kind words of help had given her strength and that's what she loved about Sirius Black.

James had fallen in love with Sirius the first time they met. They had clicked instantly, had started talking and joking and laughing and James found himself thinking that he could speak to this boy forever and never get bored. He was passionate and funny and intelligent and he cared more than anyone he had ever met. James found himself wishing they would get into the same house and when the sorting hat had shouted "Gryffindor" and silence had rang through the hall at a Black not being in the snake pit, James found himself grinning and thanking every God he had ever heard of.

Over the years James loved him more and more, Sirius was his best friend, he was his brother and he thought he perhaps, if he had the inclination to do so, something more than that. Being with Sirius felt like he had found the other half of his brain, and he suddenly had no idea how he had ever survived without this brilliant, burning boy with the stars in his eyes.

"Put that away will you? Before Wormtail wets himself with excitement," Sirius had said, eyeing the snitch that James was releasing and catching in mild annoyance.

"If it bothers you," James had replied, stuffing the golden snitch back into his pocket. Sirius was the only one James would even consider stopping showing off for.

James wasn't like the others. He didn't fall in love with a single attribute that Sirius possessed, but loved him wholly and completely, loved him more than he had ever loved anyone. James couldn't imagine his life without Sirius is in it. His boggart of Sirius sprawled out on the floor, blood seeping from his body, skin cold and eyes wide and glassy, made James back away, his heart aching so badly with the possibility that he felt he could bleed to death with the pain of it.

Sirius was beautiful, even splayed on an armchair in the common room. his pale skin glowing with the light of the fire, silver eyes sparkling with mischief and a hidden darkness that he had yet to fully overcome, aristocratic features that were made up of sharp cheek bones and a strong jaw. His black hair and lashes made him look almost like an angel with a tainted halo. He could get this look of vulnerability on his face as he confessed to fears and insecurities and it was only James that ever saw him in such a raw, naked form, and James loved that. Loved that he was his confidant.

It was time like that, Sirius standing soaking wet and bruised on his doorstep, looking at him with eyes that shone too bright saying "'Lo Prongs, mate, mind if I stay a while?" and looking almost scared he was going to turn him away.

James sometimes felt the urge to kiss Sirius, to take in the broken parts of him to heal and feed him some of the brilliant confidence and love and warmth that James was saving just for him. Sirius was…Sirius and that was why James loved him. He was his favourite person in the history of the world.

Everyone that met Sirius Black couldn't help but love him, even in the smallest way. It was hard not to: he was charming and beautiful, shining as bright as the star he was named after and burning with a passion just as hot. But Sirius was oblivious of this. He had been raised by parents that held no love for each other and no love for him. He had never seen love and he had never felt it and by the time he had met those that could give it to him to spare, he was to broken to recognise it for what it was. It hurt people that he couldn't return this love…but it hurt James most of all.

**Author's Note: Please Review.**


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